On your 23rd Anniversary

Today marks your 23rd day in our house.
23 days of learning who you were and what you liked and what you didn't and what scared you and what made you laugh. 23 days of figuring out you needed soy formula, a flu shot, a daily nebulizer albuterol treatment, and to keep me within your sight at all times. 23 days of learning how you really do need two naps a day and that no one ever taught you to play peek a boo or patty cake and how much you love those games now. 23 days of learning your skin is sensitive to detergents and sweet smelling baby products and sticker shock at buying Aveeno and Triple Paste.

Today? Today was day 23 and today I gave you a real actual in the big tub bath and you didn't have hysterics. In the first week, I learned that a bath gave you an irrational inconsolable hysterical fit. Maybe that was where your bruises had come from. I tried a baby tub inside the big tub. Nope, no change in your horrified shrieking. I tried a baby tub up on the kitchen counter. Still the shrieking, the hands flailing, the feet kicking. I resorted to sponge baths - you sitting on a towel on the kitchen counter and me sponging you ever so slowly and tenderly with warm sudsy water. Still there was wailing and alligator tears and hiccups afterwards, but it got slowly better. Today, I gave you another real actual bath in the big tub. You didn't cry. Meme? You didn't cry!

You fussed briefly a few times but I distracted you with the red blocks and the green cups and the pretty chain of linkys. I let you stand up and I held you tight and murmered fun things to you until I could get you to sit again. I tickled you with the washcloth. You smiled, you giggled, you made your funny little crinkle-nose 3 toothed grin. You steal my breath.

You are so funny, so cute, so irresistable. I say, "NO meme... no no!" and you turn and grin at me with those huge almond eyes and that sweet pink mouth and tiny pugged nose and I laugh. What else can I do?

You screech sometimes, peircingly decible defying screeches of joy/anger/frustration/need... who knows. But I tap your cheek and say, "NO meme! NO!" and you look at me with such a bewildered expression, such a, "what? what did I do? " innocence that when you screech again all I can do is shake my head and smile ruefully. Yet, this must stop darling... this screech must stop.

When I pick you up from the sitter at 9 pm, you are sound asleep all stretched out on her couch, protected by pillows and blankets. I scoop you into my arms and inhale the tender scent of you, kiss your squishy brown cheek, and manuever you into your carseat. You open your eyes, the blind blinking of a newborn, then fall fast asleep again. When I take you out and into our house, into your safe warm crib, you do nothing more that sigh deeply as you rub your face deep into my shoulder. I smell the sweetness at the back of your neck, feel the silk of your whispy hair at the nape of your neck, and I have a hard time putting you down. I miss you at night, while you sleep. But I learned early on that you do not sleep well when we try to snuggle in bed with you.

23 days of dressing you in pink, in dresses that defeat your lightning quick crawl, pink leather slippers that warm my heart every time I see them, pink soft soled sneakers that the kids love to make you wear. 23 days of rocking you, squeezing you, teaching you.

I've known love at first sight - I just didn't realize that love at first sight could get so infinitely stronger in 23 days. If it hurts this much now, how much will it hurt when you leave?

They bring you gifts when they come to visit. They brought you chicken broth and fed it to you in your bottle. They brought you punky hip-pop outfits that I would NEVER dress you in. (who makes this sh*t for babies?) They brought you a coconut macadamia cookie... oh meme. Oh meme. How can I return your pink sweetness, your healthy sturdy body, your infinite changes and growth to people who just. don't. get. it.

23 days. You'll be here my love for your first birthday. It will be one that if YOU can't remember, I will always know that I gave you a GREAT party. You'll be here for Christmas. Oh meme, I can't wait to see you open your stocking from Santa! What fun we'll all have choosing the trinkets within. You only bring us joy my meme.

Thank you, for every moment of every day. Thank you.