Today I was in Barnes and Noble searching their books on special kids. I found a few and sat down in a chair to read. I was feeling hopeful and sparkly. It had been a delicious day with my kids. Chick and Buddy had been sick since Sunday and today was our first real day out of the house. We'd done an errand, some birthday present shopping, had lunch out, spent some Christmas gift cards, and were now ready to hunker down in the warm quiet bookstore.
I love the way my kids make me laugh, the way they laugh AT me as much as with me. I love the way they laugh with each other and have their own private jokes. I picture them someday, adults around a dinner table, laughing and reminiscing and shaking their heads while they sip coffee and eat a second helping of pie. My kids.
I open the first book , a book about about Auditory Processing Disorder. As I skimmed it I noticed a lot of information that dealt with the onset of APD due to injury or accident, and how it affects adults in different stages of their lives. I set it aside. Bear doesn't necessarily have APD anyway.
I open the second book and begin skimming. This one is about speech and language "problems". I read passages from this one as they seem applicable but then I get to the part about early diagnosis, about key warning signs, about how early you should seek help and I feel my heart and soul sinking back down into that place I didn't really want to go back to.
I see Bear in an old video we have. She is outside with us and we are sledding and she is talking. "Mamma hurt? Mamma hurt?" We reassure her I am fine. "Mamma fall? Mamma down?" Yes, I fell down, it's ok, it's fine, I'm fine, it's funny, see? "Funny Mamma! I laugh!" Yes, she laughs. But the thing is, she's 3. She's not 18 months, or 2. She's 3. And that's her vocabulary. Slow vocabulary is a warning sign.
I see myself talking to the mom's in my playgroup. Bear at age 2 is on a 6 week course of antibiotics for ear infections that just won't go away - or if they do go away, they come right back. Four infections right after the other. I don't want the antibiotics but... what else do I do? Frequent ear infections is a warning sign.
It's preschool. Bear is 3 and a half. I ask her teachers, "Is she ok? Is her speech ok? I'm worried..." They say she's fine. She's fine. I say, "She stutters a lot. She seems... not to have as many words as other kids." No, no, she doesn't stutter at preschool, she does just fine. I should have trusted my gut.
It is my fault. I should have paid more attention.
I gathered my duckies around me and we bought books and went home.
The book I did buy? This one. It's already made a difference for Bear. I know I can't go back, back to age 2, and fix what I did wrong. But I can go forward. The brain is an amazing thing and holds huge capacity for compensating.
4 comments:
What a great book! Onward!! :-)
Oooh... I just read my post to you... it's long. Delete if you want. :-)
My #1 had many many ear infections when he was little. He lost a lot of socialization skills that children learn around the age of 2 - 3. He couldn't hear the children, so he didn't relate to them. He still has socialization issues. He doesn't always understand that his friends are kidding or joking. He often takes everything they say to heart. It's hard. We manage. We explain and explain and explain.
There is a really good book about the brain. I'll have to ask the Mr. what it is and get back to you. There was also a show on Discovery about the brain based on that book and the author was on it... I forget... I'll get back to you. You might find that book a good resource as well.
xo
LBC
Yes. The brain is an amazing thing. And so is the heart. You're doing a great job -don't be so hard on yourself
That last book - it set me thinking. If you don't mind, I'll just tell you of the son of a friend (this one). When he was 7 or 8, his mom (my friend) caught him throwing snowballs on oncoming cars outside their house. "You mustn't do that! You mustn't throw snowballs on the cars!" "No", he answered - that was wrong, and he wouldn't do that. Then continued to throw. His mom told him again, don't throw snowballs on the cars! To which he kept answering no, he knew that was wrong, he wouldn't do such a thing. Eventually, she asked, "what are you doing, then?" "I'm trying to throw balls across the street. But I'm not very good, so I keep hitting these cars instead"...
He's a little older now, he's got a diagnosis of something I can't remember... But she's learnt to always be extremely accurate in her conversations with him... He's doing very well in school, though - and his friends are aware of this trait, he's got loads of friends.
--- Possibly a little off topic, it just came to mind..
I don't see how you could have done this to her, though? If she had a limited vocabulary at 3, so? I'm sure you talked to her as much as to the others, and gave her as much as you could of your lovely self. We're all different, she's special in every way - this way too :) I wouldn't worry so much about why or when or how -- just keep going!
Sorry, I can be so long-winded :/
What I really wanted to say was - I'm thinking of you! All of you...
My husband had dyslexia, which is very different, I know, from an auditory processing disorder (I know several kdis who have the latter.)
Anyway, when my husband was growing up no one knew he had a learning disability. One of his teachers told his mom that he wouldn't amount to anything.
He now has a Ph.D. and runs a very lucrative company.
And for many yeaqrs, every day WAS a task, but now he's just a regular person, if you know what I men.
Get her good help and let go of blaming yourself. It won't help anyone, not you and especially not her.
xo
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