Dear Dad

Look. It's like this... I'm done trying to fix everyone and everything and to make everyone happy. So, if you want to change your plane tickets and NOT be here for Thanksgiving, then go for it. We'll have a pretty happy day without you and Iwon't have to worry about buying all that extra booze you'd drink. I'm sorry that you think I played some kind of trick on you by inviting Mike. I didn't. I just invited all the people I wanted to be here to celebrate a great holiday. He raised me when you didn't. He is a grandfather to my kids. He is a part of our lives, it's MY house and MY holiday and I can invite anyone I want to. If YOU want to act like a spoiled little baby and start changing plane tickets and demanding your own car then you go right ahead.

When you first called this morning to throw your little tantrum, I felt really bad. I got sick in my stomach, my eyelid started twitching and I had to take a little pink happy pill. All before I'd even really woken up thank you very much. At first I was scrambling in my head thinking of how to fix it. Would you believe I considered UN-inviting Mike? Gah! How stupid could I possibly get? I am so stinking desperate for your love and your approval that I would UN-invite someone from my Thanksgiving dinner. I am 35 years old and I'm tired of letting my desire for parental approval shape my actions. Dad... go ahead. Leave me all over again. Take away your attention and love that I've had for the last 7 years and go be all by yourself. The boys don't want you so you'll have no one else to love you and care for you. All you have is me right now and if I were you, I'd rethink my attitude. But, again, I'm stupid for considering that you'd do that.

So it's like this. I will email you later. I will tell you that I'm sorry you feel like changing your plans. I'm sorry you feel that I've played some manipulative trick on you. I know I can't change your mind or how you feel but the truth is: it's Thanksgiving, it's a holiday, and I'm inviting a lot of people here to share it with me and my kids. You are welcome to come if you like, or not. I love you and I enjoy spending time with you and I was looking forward to everything about your trip here. I'm sorry you are going to let a 4 hour meal ruin your trip. It's too bad you feel you have to punish me and my kids and my husband for your own personal power trip (oh,I'll probably word that one a little different!) but at this point, I'm not apologising for anything else and if you are going to blame me and punish me and be angry with me during your visit here then maybe it would indeed be better if you changed your tickets and didn't come.

If I know you... I know that this could be the end of what I've worked so hard on for the past 7 years. If I know me, I'll probably cave in and suck up to you just so you'll love me again. But I dont' know me very well right now - I'm doing some pretty surprising things with my relationships these days so, don't count on it.

I love you anyway, you alcoholic asshole, child deserter, family fuck-up. Happy Thanksgiving.