Apologies...

Wow, what a downer that last post was. Sorry! Some days are like that I guess...

Today I went to the cemetary where my uncle and my mother are buried. I left a pretty array of white and lilac 'poms' and I watered the other plants there: some pretty pansy's and a basket of rust-gold mums. It was a nice and peaceful time - reflective.

I was reading a book last night about a couple who were together for 24 years and were falling apart. The storyline was of how the husband went through some significant changes and revived the relationship. It left me feeling oddly troubled. I was glad that the marraige worked out - I'm all for "till death do us part" but it was so brutally honest and hit a smidge too close to home. I slept restlessly and irritably and woke up feeling somehow lost. How does one person in a two person relationship make all the changes and repair the disaster? It's never really any ONE persons fault (well, barring mental/physical abuse or addictions) when a relationship starts to sink. I look all the time for my part - searching to see if I'm rowing the boat instead of rocking it. I think I do a lot of rowing... but I get 'rocked' so easily. I'm not the most well balanced person so a tiny jiggle feels like hurricane strength wind. I get seasick easy... my husband seems like a big clumsy guy in a tiny little boat on some days, and like an inpenetrable life raft to me on other days. It's all about straddling that line!

Today I'm baking cookies. Chocolate Chip Cookies. Cake-like chocolate chip cookies. New recipe we've become addicted to. Reminds me of some cookies my great grandma used to make but they weren't chocolate chip... had raisins and nuts and were just so delicious. Of course, she didn't have a recipe. She said, "just a handful of this or a pinch of that!" was how she cooked. But these new cookies are darn close!

Now I must go eat some!

D