Torn Between Two Lovers

...deciding whether to spend the time writing a post, or reading everyone else's posts.... what to do, what to do? (this is me drumming my fingertips and thinking really hard) Like Winnie The Pooh, arms crossed, face scrunched, fingertip tapping upper lip, "Think, think, think..."

I don't have much to say lately but only because so much is going on that it's hard to put it all into words that don't sound totally rambling and disjointed. Well, I guess that rambling and disjointed are exactly what my life feels like.

I just finished teaching a two-Saturday Childbirth class, you know, the Childbirth Express version. I always feel a little like a Childbirth Ho when I whip that class out so quickly. But I do love teaching regardless. I guess a Ho needs to love her job eh? I am scheduled to begin teaching a regular 5 week series next month with a new start up company (who has a vision of teaching ALL the classes for the entire area, thereby eliminating the hospital classes completely) but if no one signs up for the class, I don't teach (or get paid) so it's a big waiting game. Then, I'm also supposed to start teaching a Newborn/Parenting class one night a month PLUS an Infant Safety class one night a month. Those classes are my own design that my boss is excited about but involves soooo much work on my part that my head is spinning. Now, all this sounds like a lot, but when it comes right down to it, it's not. It's 3 hours a week - and on the weeks where I end up teaching a regular class PLUS the infant class, it's 6 hours a week. I get paid an embarrasingly large hourly wage, but when it's only 3 hours a week, it doesn't even cover the groceries. So, it's like planning on taking a big bite out of your favorite scrumptious dessert (wild mountain blackberry cobbler with french vanilla ice cream on top) only to have someone whisk away the dessert after one little taste. Sigh.

So I need to find a job. One that will pay for things like groceries, gas, Karate lessons, extravagances like coffee, and cream. All those cross country moves we did were unkind to our pockets. My hubs has a great job and is working really hard to provide for our family but we are like many people in our category: we like our toys. What toys? Well, high speed DSL and all the sports channels on digital tv, the gym membership, good organic food, and driving places that are more than one block away from our house. And take out food. Yes, we like take out food. If we like our toys though, we must pay for them. So... it's off to work I go. It is darn near impossible to find a job that is just from 9-3 so that I can be available to the kids and still teach those two evening a week. I looked into some great wahm opportunities (like call centers and transcription) but nothing was available in my area. Poop.

We are transitioning Chick back into public school after 2 years of home schooling. She is less than pleased, but determined to do what she has to do to make her future work out for her. It's daunting, being worried about how well she'll handle the transition and yet wanting her to take that leap out into her future, ready to push her off the edge of the nest and see her fly. I'm confident she'll fly but she might take a few close calls. What to do... what to do... thinkthinkthink...

Laundry is calling me. No, really, it's calling me. I can hear it whining in a pitiful ingratiating tone, "aww, pleeeese wash me? pleeeeeese, c'mon pleeeeese?" and it's driving me crazy so I guess I better get going. I can look at it like this: running the dryer will heat up the house just enough that I won't have to bump the thermostat up and so I'll be saving electricity...right? Right? Then I can sit and read blogs to my hearts content. Right? Right? Sigh...

I'll be back tomorrow with a Thursday 13. See ya'll then!