I'm an Old Lady

I realized today that sometimes I am a little old lady wrapped up inside a young 36 year old. I am a homebody - I like "stasis". I like curling up with a book. Though I procrastinate, I actually enjoy cleaning my house, or folding neat and fresh smelling laundry into little groups: linens, kid stuff, socks. I like familiarity and consistency.

But I dream of adventure. I dream of dropping everything to run out and see a sunset on the beach or take a weekend trip away. I always want to just pick up and go, even if it's to the grocery store or out to the mall, without having to first plan it into my day or see if I feel like it. I wish I could be the kind of girl who cares less about life and more about living it.

In spite of wanting to be carefree, I am not. I get crotchety and cranky when forced out of my home or forced to have fun. Yesterday was a case in point.

All last week we talked about taking a trip to the Eagle Observatory about an hour from us. We've talked about it since we missed it last year. This was a 4 day weekend for us and the last weekend that the observatory will be open. Sunday night we set up the time and mapped out a little game plan. The kids were excited, husband was really excited. I could hardly feign interest. I love eagles, I do. I love the beauty and majesty of the area I live in. But all I could think about was that I would have rather stayed home. And I didn't even have a good book.

We left Monday morning and I was in a pretty icky mood. Call it PMS, call it a cold I'm fighting, call it whatever you want to make it sound reasonable, but truth is, I was just pissy at being dragged out in 34 degree weather to drive for over an hour to watch eagles. See, I can actually watch them right here in the town I live in, so why should we pack up and drive for an hour to go somewhere else to watch them? Cuz it's fun, people, it's F.U.N. fun. Whatever.

I actually did enjoy it. And that's the thing. I hate the planning and the anticipation and the 'going to do' part of it, but I like the 'doing' and 'done' parts.

I loved the peaceful winding drive with mountains and trees and hints of snow on the left, and ice-edged river running fast on the right. I enjoyed the occasional snow flurry swirling by, and the horses and cows we passed. I enjoyed the freshness of the air with the hint of woodsmoke wafting around. I loved standing at the side of the river listening to it rush by, searching for a glimpse of a bald eagle perched amid a leafless tree. I loved that all of my family was snug in the car, together, and that I was not at home doing yet another load of laundry. But it took me a while to get to that place emotionally. I wasted so much time being pissy and in a bad mood. I could've enjoyed MORE of the trip, MORE of the day. I sabotaged myself. I do it every time.

In what ways do you do this, if at all?
(c'mon, don't let me be the single sucky old lady here!)