Yesterday, D and B came into town. We were excited! We remember when D used to spend the night with us and hang out and play boardgames. He even came on vacation with us and Chickadee a few times. He was a new teenager when Buddy was born and he held him so carefully (before falling on top of him which is an entirely different story!) and we have loved watching D grow and mature. I loved seeing him get married - I feel like he is more than a cousin, like, my little brother... a peice of my heart goes with him.
I don't get what happened. I don't know why tonight, my husband and I and our kids are sitting home alone while the entire family surrounds D and his wife B and celebrates the New Year by hanging out, playing board games, and watching movies.
I don't know why today we had to actually call over to my aunts and ask if we could come over to say hi to D and B. Why we had to watch my aunt fix lunch for the other small cousins (our kid's ages) and not invite us/our kids to eat... why we left after first asking and then being told that THEY were all going out for dinner later and would call us when they figured out what their plans were.
I am so sad. Sad that I can't be a part of the family that I wanted so desperately to be with and that I had always thought of as being part of... sad that the family that used to include us in everything has chosen now not too. Sad is not even it... devestated is more accurate. But I am also angry. So furious! Mad that after all we gave up, all we went through, all our kids have gone through, and all we still have to go through yet...that they dismiss us so easily. Without even saying that they needed private time or anything (which I would then be able to understand and accept) And embarrassed. Yes... embarrassed that I gave up everything and came here thinking I was wanted and even maybe needed only to be slapped in the face with their indifference and disinterest.
I don't get it. And I don't even remotely know how to respond. How to react. Do I confront any of them? And who? My aunt who lost her husband a mere 7 months ago? My cousin who doesn't like me or his wife who does? My other cousin who never visits or his wife who I don't always like very much? Or D and his wife B, who are probably totally unaware of it because they live far away and only visit once in a while?
We thought at first that it would just take a while for us to sort out our place here, to make a place for ourselves within the family that was already established. We decided that we would not wait to be invited but would ask openly about plans... we thought that we were being over sensitive to the situation when back in August we had been openly excluded from a birthday party. But now? I just don't know. I just... don't... know... you know?
What do you think?
1 comment:
Oh D! This situation sooooo sucks! I hope you know that you and your family are wonderful! Sometimes people are not smart enough to think of others. I have the same situation with my brother and it's splitting us all apart. We agonized about moving away, but after not being included in any holiday celebrations we have concluded that God is guiding us to go ahead and go. So we are, next summer. I would be more upset about it, but I am looking forward to the big adventure we are planning. I don't know what to say that will make you feel better. Please know that you DO NOT have to feel bad about trying this and moving again! You have to live your life for you and your family and if the relatives are being gigantic jackasses then you can let them go and move on. I wish I could give you a big hug and buy you some coffee and openly mock your cousins on your behalf! You are lovely - screw ANYONE who doesn't know that!
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