They. Are. Killing. Me.

Bad Mother of the Day goes to.... D! Let's all clap for D... it's her 5th day in a row! Go D!

Sigh.

The kids are killing me. I am a grumpy shrew every morning. I wake the kids gently and sweetly with kisses and back rubs. And it's all downhill from there. How does it take an hour for a 10 year old and an 8 year old to get dressed, brush teeth and hair, and eat? An hour. We lay out clothes the night before. We usually (not all the time certainly) put together backpacks and lunches the night before. They are not always required to make their beds in the morning. Seriously - they just need to put clothes on their bodies and brush their teeth and hair and come to eat.

Where does it all go so wrong? Maybe it goes wrong when 20 minutes after I woke him up, Buddy is standing aimlessly in the middle of his bedroom still in his pajamas with clothes spewing from his dresser. Maybe it goes wrong when Buddy has been in the bathroom for 10 minutes, not using the toilet, and has yet to do his teeth or hair or get dressed. Maybe it goes wrong when Bear is pounding on the bathroom door and Buddy is telling her to go away and I have already been through the two scenarios above. Maybe it goes wrong when everything goes right and we are all on time and we sit down to eat breakfast and BAM - we are late. Like Right. Now.

AAAAAAHHHHHH!

* Updated:

I wrote this post awhile ago and saved it so I could further detail the agony my children inflict upon me. But then, well, then I had a moment in which God struck me down with lightning. Lightning in the form of two very wise and spiritual women.

My friend Golden mentioned to me something about "intentional parenting" where, in a nutshell, you try to deliberately arrange your life to head off some of the worst parts of life before they hit you. Simple things like not taking a tired hungry toddler to the grocery store, or setting up a bedtime routine, or having snack after school before attempting homework. There is a strong Christian theme through this parenting, being intentional about what you teach your children etc. I thought long and hard about that and related it to my morning struggles with my kids. Another wonderful Godly woman who is de-vo-ted to mothering (um, almost unhealthily, but still, you can learn things from anyone right?) reminded me of simply offering great unconditional love to our children because we can - because they are gifts to us - because they are tender and trusting and learning from everything we do. She reminded me that they are only this young and innocent for so short a time. I was broken down to my very heart.

I thought of my shrewish voice yelling, "Aren't you done yet? What are you doing in there? Let's go!!!" Of the look on their faces when I'd bitterly gripe, "I can't believe we are late again -what does it take to get you guys out of here on time? Do you think I like yelling at you?" I ache when I think of how much I've hurt them.

I beseeched God for forgiveness. I have been selfish - too much wanting my own time, five minutes to drink a cup of coffee, ten minutes to check blogs... minutes I've frittered away while screeching nastily up the stairs at my children. I asked for forgiveness and rededicated myself to the care and keeping of my kids. I asked my children for forgiveness too. Of course they gave up tender hugs and kisses to me. The last week of mornings have been bliss. I get up early and have prayer time alone. I ask for supernatural strength to maintain selflessness. So far so good. When I wake my kids, I stay with them. I make their beds for them while chatting with them as they dress, brush, and comb. Together we gather school supplies and descend to the kitchen. Wonders of All, we are running a solid 8 minutes ahead of schedule, average, instead of 10 behind. I stay with them during breakfast and we talk. We have time to pray together for their day and then we smoothly move out to the car with smiles all around. My son asked me, "mom, if you aren't selfish, and you make MY bed for me, doesn't that make ME selfish?" What a thinker! I told him that that was between him and God.

The weekend rolled around and instead of thinking, "It's the weekend, surely I deserve some ME time!" I continued with focusing on keeping a soft voice, a kind heart, and generous spirit. It's been delightful. Not always easy, but delightful. I have finally come to understand how truly abiding within the spirit of God is where my strength comes from.

Not to say I haven't blown it... cuz really, that'd be unbelievable. But when tears were falling and voices were strained, I worked very hard to keep my voice soft and my words peaceful. I mostly managed. I really want my kid to be independant. To be able to get up and get going by themselves in the morning. I know that kids their age can, and do. But the constant morning battle was not helping them learn independance. Until I find a way that works, I'm placing value on peace in the morning. I want to send them to school with peace and love in their hearts, not guilt and feelings of shame or sadness.

Love wins every time.