Can't Always Get What You Want...

It's after 1 am. I've been awake for the last 40 minutes.

Baby was up and I patted her back to sleep. Then Buddy was up sleepwalking and I got him back to bed. Then I tossed and turned. I could hear Baby wrestling with sleep, every move rattling the rickety old crib. I debated getting up to check on her. Did I risk waking her up by checking on her, or did I risk waking her up by NOT soothing her back into a deeper sleep? Every noise had me on alert. Was her tossing waking up Fairy? That would be a hassle because Fairy does not go back to sleep easily. What to do, what to do? I decided that I certainly wasn't doing anyone any good by simply laying in bed fretting so I got up to peek in on Baby. There she was standing up in the crib playing with her dolls.

Twenty minutes later and multiple, "Baby! Lay Down! Go To Sleep!"'s later, I come down to turn on the computer and blog. By now my brain has decided that the hour and a half of sleep I got before Baby woke up was just a refreshing nap and I don't need any further sleep now inspite of my great desire to be in the warm safe haven of my bed and be snoring in unison with my darling. Sigh. I want sleep. It eludes me.

This is not insomnia. It is a side effect of the nasty sinus infection I had. Correction: have. That cold I started out with as a sore throat last Wednesday steam rolled into a very bad deal. Thursday I was feeling kinda punky and knew I was in for a ride. Friday the girls went to see their mom and were gone all day so I rested. Saturday my husband and Chick ran the show and Sunday we had a sitter and went to a funeral...which honestly? I barely remember. I don't know how I made it through Monday but on Tuesday after I drove my kids to school and found myself weaving on the road, I called my doctor first and then my husband. And I was down for the count until this morning. My husband is an excellent nurse, and my Chick is an excellent childcare provider and we all survived. But I've noticed that I have weird sleep issues. In spite of being so dang sick, sleep was hard to come by. I could nap, but not sleep. I had other rather frightening issues like, uh, seeing thing from the corner of my eyes (yah, things that weren't really there!) and strange anxiety like racing thoughts. The doctor told me it was normal but dang, I never want to be that kind of normal again. She said, "it'll go away... but if it doesn't, be sure and call us right away!" That was plenty reassuring, I tell you. Not.

But all is well... except that I am awake and everyone else is asleep. Well, actually, Baby is still awake too. My repeated threats of "Go to sleep right now!" just aren't very effective. Duh.

If I can't get what I want, which is sleep, I'm supposed to get what I need. What is it that I need out of being awake right now?