For whatever reason, and however fleeting it may be, today I was struck with all the things that show I AM doing an ok job. In no particular order, these are the things I've experienced lately that made me stop feeling so bad:
- watching Bear in her first Karate class - the sheer determination on her face, the delicate shape of her fingers as we pulled on her boxing gloves, the innocence in the bare soles of her feet flashing at me as she did push-ups. This is my child... an example of my effort in parenting.
- helping Chick set up for selling her baked goods at a local farmers market - her forethought in baking all day yesterday, her attention to detail and enthusiasm for doing this week after week, her effort at working all morning in a bakery and then coming home and loading up the car by herself. This is my daughter... an example of my effort in teaching.
- holding hands with my friend K's son who has autism. K left him in my care so she could take our older kids to a movie and I am humbly honored to be entrusted with this special little guy. This boy who doesn't fit into our world, who doesn't understand all the senses around him, who needs to shut down when there is too much, a boy who is easily scared, often frustrated, and very sensitive. He is someone elses treasure... an example of my trustworthiness.
- my husbands laughter. 14 years later I can still make him chuckle with love and joy and that sound, that knowledge that I can do that, just makes my life worthwhile. I can also make him grit his teeth but it's the laughter that I can be proud of! His laughter... an example that I am lovable.
I guess I'm doing ok after all. What things make YOU feel good about YOU?
2 comments:
Hi D.
I've been lurking here lately, sorry I haven't commented...and thinking about all of your thoughtful posts.
You might not be the mother you imagined, but maybe that's a good thing. Maybe you are just the mom you should be and need to be. I think the big picture is the most important. Are you rising happy, responsible kids? Sounds like it.
You are doing a terrific job. We all have our moments when we feel totally inadequate and totally inept - well, at least I do... My husband and I have decided after many years of marriage that together we make one complete parent. We need each other to get it right - and Laughter is the key!
Lord knows if we didn't laugh, we'd cry...
LBC
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