Love Languages

Husband and I went to a Family Life Weekend to Remember... it's essentially a marraige conference. Somewhere around 400 couples were represented, from engaged and newly wed to those who'd made it through 47 years of marraige. It was amazing! Husband was, rather naturally, less than excited about going, but was a good sport about it. The speakers were men, were manly men at that, and were hilarious. Husband had a lot of good laughs, never felt threatened, intimidated, scolded, or put on the spot. He felt encouraged, supported, connected... and boy did we learn a lot! I think what I've taken away most from the 3 days was the understanding about how absolutely different men and women are at heart. The knowledge of that and the desire to commit to accepting and understanding it, is what will save my marraige. If I know that husband does not deliberately do certain things but does them out of basic nature - then I am less likely to be hurt or angry about it. Like when an infant is crying and you have to know that the infant isn't crying to deliberately drive you insane, they are just crying because thats what they do... well, there are some things my husband does just because he's a man... it was really an eye opener into some of the areas that we have been struggling with.

Second to that, was learning about Love Languages. Learning that each person feels love based on their own language. There are 5 basic language that we 'hear' when we are loved: Physical Touch, Quality Time, Verbal Affirmations, Acts of Service, and Recieving Gifts. My husband is a toucher - it's how he SHOWS love. For years now he has been feeling rejected and un-loved because when I am, for example, hurrying to flat iron my hair in the morning and thinking of how late I am and how I need to pack lunches still and he comes up and pulls me into a slow and strong hug that lasts interminably long - I cringe, pat him distractedly, and pull away quickly so I can finish my hair. Or, when I am bone tired exhausted and doing dishes while helping kids with homework and yelling at Chick to finish her chores, he comes and pulls me away from the sink to rub my shoulders and kiss my neck. "Awwww" you say, "how sweet!" but NO! NOT sweet... ANNOYING to me. But he feels rejected when I pull away... he has learned this weekend that I do, desperately, love him beyond belief but that physical touch is NOT my love language. He learned that doing the dishes for me last night was more loving than ANY backrub or romantic kiss. Of course, doing dishes for me makes me feel like kissing him so its a rather win-win situation! I am still sorting out his love language... I know it is NOT acts of service. Years now, I've been cleaning house, cooking, surprising him with a freshly scrubbed toilet, a packed lunch, a gathering of his wallet and keys to lay out for him, a tender folding of his tidy-whities and thinking I was LOVING him while I did everything. He did NOT feel loved by neatly folded underwear and a clean toilet to ... sit on. He did feel loved when I snuck by his work yesterday to leave a little note and a snack on his car seat for him to find after work. But not when I cooked his favorite potatoes last night... he appreciated it yes, but it didn't make him feel LOVED. So, I'm still searching out how to love him so that he feels it... but I am committed to figuring it out. And hey, if Family Life every has a weekend to remember in your area? It is sooo worth the cost. It's life changing. It is indeed Christian based, but they don't beat you over the head with it. And while they talk about submission to authority, they relate it to support and encouragement of leadership... beautiful stuff I'm telling you!