Hyperventilating... where's the damn paper bag?

READY? Ohhh-Kay!

That's what I remember our cheerleaders in Jr. High (hey, have you noticed I frequently recall Jr. High or 7th grade? Note to self: seek help.) always saying as they started a new cheer. READY? Ohhh-Kay! And you could hear each consonant clearly and longly. Is "longly" a word? I just made it up... it's a word now cuz I've used it. Darn this is good Rum. Hmmm. Need more...

Anyway, as I was saying, the cheerleaders would always start that way and then move on into the cheer. Why can't there be little, tiny, cute, cheerfull cheerleaders that live in our homes and prepare us for the next event? Wouldn't life be easier if right before you, say, scrubbed the toilet, a little team of smiling and immaculate girls came bouncing out and uniformly sang, "READY? Ohhh-Kay!" and cheered you on? "if you can't do it, no one can!" I sure needed some cheerleaders tonight!

Tonight was my small group meeting. Which, honestly, sucks. The time I sat at church for two hours to promote it? Sucked. The 5 measly people that signed up? Well, they don't suck but, only 5 sucked. The two lonely misguided and needy people that showed up? Well, again, THEY don't suck, but the situation sucks. I vacuuumed for goodness sakes! Tonight, our second night, yes, it TOTALLY sucked. Now, I could be optomistic and say how I was a terrific listener and a great supporter (what? I'm a jock strap now?) and I encouraged instead of enabled and I, in fact, may have saved someones LIFE... but I'm not really feeling optomistic. I feel tired, stressed, overworked, under-appreciated, and slightly insane. So really, tonight just sucked.

One person showed up.

Late.

Crying.

Suicidal.

Shall I go on? Well, to protect privacy (ha! yeah, right!) I won't go further. But... I encouraged, I supported, I helped, I offered tea and kleenex and a hand to hold and my phone. I was damn good, truth be told. But now that it's over, I need my rum, my xanax, and to be totally 100% left alone. A nice white sheeted hospital bed is NOT out of the order...

It was a rough night. BUT: my house is vacuumed, the lunches are made, the grocery list is done, and the kids have been loved, fed, read to, and kissed and I am ready for work tomorrow. (ha! Yeah, right! Oh, wait, I said that already...hmmm...)

Going now...

Gone.